Okay, let me be the first to create mass hysteria about the next apocalypse. About a lesser-known, minor apocalypse…the “Apocalypse that could,” if you will.
It’s the Gregorian Apocalypse.
Yes, Gregorian. As in “calendar.”
This apocalypse occurs every year—without fail, mind you—yet garners no attention. Zero. It is the only apocalypse that actually fulfills itself. It’s utterly simple:
The calendar comes to an end on Dec 31st.
That’s it. Brilliant, huh?
Now, that whole Mayan Apocalypse thing had the same issue—its calendar came to an end—yet it got all the attention. Global media hog. Oh, sure, it’s based in some exotic land, resort destinations, pyramids, ancient sacrifices and all, so, what does the Gregorian Apocalypse have to offer?
Well, it has a 400-year cycle, involving gee-whiz math, and was put into effect in 1582 (so, see, yet another apocalyptic ending overlooked by the Big Boys, 1982!), and there was much public outrage, yes, even violence (see, there is drama, here!), at having days taken away from the masses by landlords to cheat them out of a week’s rent. The cry “Give us the eleven days back!” became the rant of the day.
Yeah, the landlords and overseers of the time, said, but we’ve given you leap years (an extra day added to calendars every four years to synchronize them with the actual seasons), so every so often you actually gain an extra day in the year, which is better in the long run, you know, if you, ummm, happen to make it past the age of 48…
Now, this may sound nothing more than when the company you work for revamps its vacation schedule to make them “more competitive,” and “gives” you “floating holidays,” but they never end up making up for remove days of vacation. So, this must have been a big thing back then, you know, given life expectancies were pretty light. You only lived until, like, 42 (okay, here’s some more actual numbers), and now you’ve just lost 11 of those days?! You can see that living to, like, 44 or 48 to cash in on those extra days wasn’t a huge option for most.
Yet, the Gregorian Apocalypse keeps at it. Every year. Relentlessly. And it will continue…until it gets the recognition it deserves.
So, I say let’s drum it up for The Little Apocalypse That Could! 360 days to go (as of this posting; do your own gee-whiz math to account for your post viewing), people, set your clocks for the end of the world!
- Gregorian Calendarists predict coming apocalypse (aperiodical.com)
- I have just saved the world (cafewhispers.wordpress.com)
- 2013! Welcome To It and Barreling Forward! (fpdorchak.wordpress.com)