You are going to have a great life!
There really isn’t much I can tell you, because, to your credit, you did the best you could in all aspects of life. This is not to say that you’re perfect–it’s that you had Good Intent. Keep that. Don’t let it go to your head.
One thing I learned from your future wife (I’ll keep her name a secret–a little mystery is a great thing!), is to try to be more aware of people from their point of view. I know you said you try to do that anyway, but really do sit down and try to place yourself inside someone else’s head. It can be uncomfortable, but it will be educational.
As much as I might want to say to not do one thing or the other but do another thing or the other, it wouldn’t be fair to you. You need to follow the inner directives you feel and ride them out to their logical conclusions–issues and all. They are all learning experiences. Make you a better person. There are always things we’d like to do differently, but those alternate actions take form in alternate realities, I firmly believe. We all make mistakes in life…what’s critical is how we learn from them and do not repeat them. How we allow our mistakes to help forge us into better people. And guilt? It’s only true goal is to get you to realize to NOT do that which is causing you guilt.
So go ahead and do all that you will do with great energy and excitement! Enjoyment! Respect for all of Life! As you’ve largely already done, follow the Fall Line of your life! When things seem hopeless, know that you will and do come out the other end the better for having had those experiences. Always keep looking to the future…but remain “present” in all that you do. Don’t wish your life away–which, I know, you never really did anyway, but, yeah, you had your moments….
But I will give one exception to what I’d said above: there is one thing that I truly hope you will do that I had not done as a Young Me: learn the violin! Don’t give up on writing, just add in the violin!
You will become so utterly enamored with that instrument much later in life and wish that you had, indeed, studied it much earlier in life. And if you do so, it might Twilight Zone into my Future Me, so that I become far better at it because of your actions! When given the option for guitar lessons, ask for violin lessons instead. You will be very moved by your decision, the more you learn about the instrument. The more you hear and learn the music. The instrument is fascinating and complex in my ways, both corporeal and incorporeal. There simply is no better instrument in my humble opinion!
So, go where your heart takes you! Do it was great joy and abandon! Energy! Listen to your inner most whispers and inclinations! You are a good person and you will add much Good to the world, whether or not you ever realize it and whether or not others will.
Just continue to be you…and learn that violin!
How lucky to have found a new art at a time when you won’t resent the time it takes. It is likely more enjoyable for that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is quite the enjoyable journey!
LikeLike